you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
