One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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