We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
