ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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