She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
