great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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