if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
