There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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