she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
