he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
