Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
