operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
