I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
