No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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