Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I look better un-naked...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
