Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
