I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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