Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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