I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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