I can tuck mytits in my pants
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
