She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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