What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
