Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How external is "for external use only"?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
