Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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