Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
