My sheets look like a crime scene.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
