some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
