great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
