im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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