Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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