I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
