But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
