There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
