I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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