I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
