3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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