I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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