booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
