respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
40s are totally the cure
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
