Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
