Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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