You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
