you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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