we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
