i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
