I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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