Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
