I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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