Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
