if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
