I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize