I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
