i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
