grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
