so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
