He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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