I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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