Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
