Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
