that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
