i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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