too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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