I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
