the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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