So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
