his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
