Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
